The Celtics’ Bench Plan: A Comedy of Choices…
In a world where Kristaps Porzingis has only played in roughly half the Celtics’ games this season, the question arises whether he should dust off a bench seat instead of the hardwood floor. With the looming playoffs, Celtics fans are biting their nails (or basketballs?) as Nate, Nirav, and Oliver hilariously debate whether the floor belongs to Porzingis—or someone else wearing green.
First, let’s hear from Nate, who suggests starting Uncle Al Horford, the esteemed guardian of Boston’s basketball legacy. Nate swears by the magical powers of a lineup featuring Horford that boasts stats brighter than a leprechaun’s pot of gold. Porzingis, however, hasn’t quite been the lucky charm, and his presence seems to be sucking the positive juju out of the lineup faster than Kyrie irving’s sage burning.
Meanwhile, Nirav pitches a curveball by nominating Luke Kornet to hold the starting baton (or basketball). Kornet, described as the ninja of net ratings, manages to energize the Celtics like a caffeinated squirrel. Plus, Nirav argues, Kornet’s free agent potential might make Pork-Zinger’s hefty paycheck seem like an unwise choice for future fiscal adventures.
Finally, Oliver waves the Porzingis flag high and proud. Regardless of the stats and strategic mumbo-jumbo, Oliver believes that KP is the Celtics’ unicorn—the majestic, towering star who makes opposing teams tremble more than a referee at a coach’s conference. But with his shaky attendance record, should the Celtics risk a Porzingis-less playoff run? Only time, and perhaps a few laughs, will tell.
