The Giant’s Great, Goofy Game 1 Fiasco…
In tonight’s arena magnum opus, Kristaps Porzingis, the colossus of the Celtics at 7’2, attempted to tango with the canny kid Jalen Brunson, a full foot shorter! Picture it: a basketball David vs. Goliath, but with sneakers and a hoop. All seemed ready for Porzingis to flex those skyscraper limbs and hit a hook shot heard ‘round the court. But, oh, calamity! A sneaky swat from OG Anunoby and like a magic spell gone awry, the ball vanished off his foot and into the turnover twilight zone!
Porzingis’s performance was quirkier than a basketball-themed side show. With a solitary point and three shots more elusive than a unicorn on the court, the Lithuanian Leaning Tower barely grazed the paint with one block and rebound each. Yet, the grinning giant declared he felt spry and snazzy, ready to bounce up and down like a pogo stick. Alas, Wednesday’s winddown didn’t reflect his peppy proclamations. The sluggish aftereffect of a March-time mystery malady clipped his wings, reducing the unicorn’s flight to a mere gallop.
As the dust bloomed and the benches buzzed, the unexpected hero, Luke Kornet, stole the show, morphing from a hoop newbie into a hardwood Hercules. With an almost triple-double dash, he blocked shots like a poker machine. Porzingis is hopeful his whimsical energy returns, possibly powered by a fairy godmother, in the looming duel under the star-studded New York skyline! Will the mighty 7-foot unicorn gallop again, or will Coach Mazzulla keep his airy presence on the watchlist? Only the basketball gods know as Friday night fever approaches!
