Celtics Zap Magic in Cartoon-Style Blowout…
In a showdown that had all the glamour of a spaghetti western duel, the Orlando Magic brought their popguns to a cannon fight with the Boston Celtics. The scoreboard creaked to a halt at a mere 86 points for the Magic, a total that got ya thinkin’ they thought the game was a low-stakes geography quiz and 86 was a solid B+. Spoiler alert: B+ doesn’t fly when you’re ballin’ in the big leagues.
The Magic, bless their hoop-shootin’ hearts, did take a quick victory lap after the first half, body-slammin’ the hardwood with physical defense that had Boston feeling like they were wading through molasses. But come the second half, the Celtics slipped into their superhero spandex and rocket-blasted through the hoops with 40% of their three-pointers hitting home. Boston’s batsmen didn’t even have to break a sweat; they just gazed on as Orlando gave playoff basketball a shot worthy of a 2nd grade tricycle race.
Shoutout to Paolo Banchero, Orlando’s shining knight in what felt like a battle of foam swords, who swaggered through with 36 glorious points. More than could be said for the vanishing Franz Wagner or the surprise three-hit wonder, Jonathan Isaac. Meanwhile, Derrick White played like a jam-packed point-scoring jukebox, helping shuffle Boston’s scores past the finish line. As for the rest of the Magic? Looks like it’s time to swap their broomsticks for Gulfstream tickets home, ‘cause this party is headed for a clean sweep city.
