Celtics Sorcery Squashes Trade Tall Tales!…
Hold onto your sneakers, hardwood heroes! The rumor mill spun faster than a Harlem Globetrotter on a sugar rush, whispering gossip that the Boston Celtics might kick Derrick White and Jaylen Brown off the parquet dance floor. But lo and behold, Mike “The Myth Buster” Zarren, cosmic commander of the Basketball Ops, blazed through the airwaves with a reality check slamma-jamma! “Fohgettabout trading those hoops dynamos—ain’t nothin’ even close to serious happening!” Zarren boomed, as crowds cheered for their favorite court jesters.
Celtics fans have been clutching their lucky leprechauns all week, cackling like cartoon hyenas at the thought of trading their beloved duo for some fledgling baller and a handful of draft picks. But like a referee at a monster dunk contest, Zarren blew the whistle on all that hoopla! “Those guys are the electric soul of our basketball bonanza,” quoth Zarren, as fans sighed relief like high-fiving mascots. “We’re blessed to have ’em, case closed!”
Just days ago, the league was buzzier than a swarm of angry bees at a dunking contest with ESPN’s Shams Charania stirring the pot of magic brew. “The Celtics’ phone lines are lighting up with trades offers like a Fourth of July fireworks show!” he claimed. “But they prefer to lock these guys in tight, like a treasure chest full of three-pointers!” Indeed, the green machine is listening, but will they ever take the bait and leave Celtics fans grinding their molars like cartoon sharks eyeing a ham sandwich? The saga continues!
