Celtics in Dizzying Free Agency Drama…
Holy hoop-nado, Batman! The Celtics are spinning like a top on this rollercoaster of an offseason! Jayson Tatum’s achilles went “snap-crackle-pop” just 49 blinks ago, and since then it’s been nothing but a three-ring circus. First, the magical Jrue Holiday flew away to Portland, and up next, Kristaps Porziņģis got tossed out like yesterday’s layup leftovers. But hold onto your sneakers, kiddos, because Monday’s free agency is shaping up to be a bigger challenge than slamming dunk over Shaq in his prime!
With more emotional baggage than a soap opera marathon, Al Horford and Luke Kornet’s fates hang in the balance like gravity-defying buzzer-beaters. GM Brad Stevens, looking like he chomped on too many sour grapes, is caught between a rock and a half-court shot! He’s got $7 million in “ain’t-got-no-room” space under that dastardly second apron and may face tougher choices than deciding between hotdogs or popcorn at a game.
But the plot thickens! Imagine Kornet, with dollar signs dangling from his eyeballs like hoop earrings, being wooed by the Spurs to join their cowboy hats down in San Antonio. Meanwhile, Horford may do a “Boston Two-Step” out the door, leaving fans to wonder if thumb-twiddling is the new sport. Whether Boston lands their big men or not, this free agency is shaping up to be crazier than a bouncing basketball in a windstorm!
