New Owner Clutch as a Dunk in Crunch Time…
Holy hoop-swoosh, Batman! The Celtics’ buzzer-beater ownership saga is about to score a slam-dunk ending! Bill Chisholm, our up-and-coming captain America of the parquet, was rumored to be tossing airballs due to some greenback shortage. But fear not, hoop heads! The whole deal’s locked in tighter than a full-court press! The spotlight shines brighter than a half-court, last-second, nothing-but-net swish!
Get your popcorn ready, folks, because Chisholm and his fearless troop have bulged their wallets enough to fill the stadium floor with $100 bills—all thanks to being oversubscribed! We’re talking a full 51% grab of this basketball utopia in the first slam-dunk wave! Everyone’s doubting kitty, Steve Pagliuca, had his eagle eyes squinting at every detail, with a safety net offer ready just in case the hoop dreams went swish-swish-swish straight down the tube!
But Bill Chisholm is ending doubts faster than a fast break, finally showering the Big Green Machine with stacks and stacks of his own crispy cash. Celtics Nation, clutch your foam fingers! The takeover deal’s expected to be in the bag by next week, leaving no room for foul play or traveling violations in this money match-up. Chisholm, the almost-crowned sales king, has been court-side consistently, taking to it like a fish to the fizzy sea of Celtics fans. B-ball jubilee awaits!
